Debra is making an upside-down crab pudding with brown walnut butter. Matt, the kid from Hungry Jacks, one-ups her in the What Are You Talking About stakes and explains he is making a dessert with crab-flavoured custard. Here’s a time-saving tip, Matt: eat all the ingredients and vomit them back up because that sounds like a gross vomit dish anyway!Day 13 of MasterChef 2012 on The Vine!
The challenge is a pasta challenge, which Jules IMMEDIATELY identifies as a problem. It’s her “worst nightmare”! Haha, NO. It is NOT. My worst nightmare is being locked in a tiny prison cell and the creepy murderer from the “Squeeze” episode of The X-Files comes in via the food hatch in the door and kills me and escapes and no one can figure out how it happened. That is a reasonable “worst nightmare”, I think. Pasta is not. It is delicious and almost everyone can cook it. It doesn’t get to be a worst nightmare!I can NOT be the only one who thought that guy was creepy as heck. Day 11, recapped on The Vine.
We spend a bit of time talking about the challenge. Mario says he likes “eating French”, which DEFINITELY seems like it is some sort of old-timey euphemism, like a french letter (condom) or a french kiss (when you use the tongue). Is Mario trying to tell us that he doesn’t mind getting a lil’ freaky? He’ll take it downtown if a lady asks nicely? MAYBE! It’s difficult to say for sure! Matt Preston introduces Jacques Reymond, “Australia’s best French chef”. No one talks about what THAT could be a euphemism for.Day 7 recap up now on The Vine!
In this day and age i.e. Day 5 of Week 1 of Season 4 of this show it is almost unthinkable that there are ANY “Australian classics” that have yet to be deconstructed and reassembled in a gimmicky new way, and yet here we are, looking at a weird peach ice cream slash white chocolate mousse covered in white chocolate net surrounded by dirt or something and wondering pour quoi. (French.)My second MasterChef 2012 recap is up now on The Vine!
I think I speak for us all when I say I never thought MasterChef would come back ever again. It’s been a hundred years, or something, maybe more, since MasterChef 2011 finished and Kate disappeared forever, never to be seen again except for on those ads where she puts her hands on her hips and does this whole mumsy face thing. Apart from that, never.I AM EXTREMELY PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE THAT IT LACKS ACIDITY IS HAPPENING ON THE VINE THIS YEAR. PLEASE GO THERE NOW!
Masterchef 2012 Promo
This promo for Masterchef 2012 begins with a woman who, judging by the ingredients laid out before her, is about to cook an extremely basic pancake made from eggs and flour ONLY. A delicious beginning! My appetite is WHETTED. She consults her recipe book, because OF COURSE she does, you would NOT want to put the wrong egg in your pancake or the wrong amount of flour or whatever (nothing worse than a floury egg-and-flour pancake, I’m sure).
Suddenly, poof (no homo)! Her recipe bowl has disappeared. She looks annoyed rather than, I don’t know, freaked out, so she’s clearly an incompetent witch or something. She goes to her pantry. It’s a magic portal. It leads to a fruity magical kingdom. Matt Preston welcomes her to an enormous bowl of eggs. Thank you, Matt Preston! The woman walks up the bowl’s external staircase and cracks an extra egg into it, which is firstly a continuity error (in the previous scene she HAD NO EXTRA EGG) and secondly completely unnecessary? Thanks, lady. There is already like a million eggs getting blended up down there. Your extra egg is SUPERFLUOUS.
Next, some people catch flour which is falling from the sky in COLANDERS. Haha, what. George licks frosting off his finger (no homo). The woman from the start (plus anonymous assistants) finish icing what is supposed to be a giant cake, I guess, although so far we have STILL only witnessed the addition of eggs and flour to this dish so it could well just be a pancake or omelette? The icing is in the shape of the Channel Ten logo. OK. Gary taps his watch. Please lose the Alice In Wonderland angle, bros, it feels forced.
The woman runs over a bridge between two croquembouches and pushes a giant cherry off a cliff with Matt Moran’s assistance (ty Matt Moran) AND THEN she is at the bottom with a slice of cake waiting for the giant cherry she just pushed off to land on top of the cake (WHAT). Excellent. More of this! I hope that the next season of Masterchef involves a lot more bizarre dreamscapes and CGI and weird perspective tricks. Some moebius loops, maybe. They could get an Ouroboros as a guest judge. I hope they do! The judges hold up their forks. There is more classical music (the classical music has been going for some time by now. I apologise. I should have said something. I’m a bit rusty at this.) and then the Channel 10 logo. It’s over! See you soon, Masterchef!
Anonymous asked: Will you now do recaps for Junior MasterChef?????????????
I’m not gonna do Junior Masterchef recaps, sorry. I’m too busy at the moment and it’s very time-consuming! Also, I’m worried about my capacity for hating children and I need to keep it in check. Sorry!
Anonymous asked: Is this it for it lacks acidity? I'm squeezing lemon over my face to make up for the withdrawals. It stings so good.
Pretty hard for a Masterchef recaps blog to keep going without Masterchef.
